Dating a single mom reddit

Their lives are tied up in work and taking care of their kids. Their lives are disasters. They're trainwrecks, dumpster fires, and hot messes.


Single mothers are stressed out, unhappy, dissatisfied, neurotic, financially insolvent, mentally ill messes. He isn't paying child support. He skips out on visitation. He's not being nice to the kid.

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The kid comes back here with bad haircuts or bruises. What's going on over there while he has my kids? I have to run the risk of things getting physical. Marrying a single mom means I get all the burdens of "marriage" and "fatherhood", all the responsibilities, but I get no benefits at all. I'm just there to write the checks and pay the bills.


I have no say in anything, and I get kicked around by everyone. They highly respect you. You provide the best life you can and give them a real family. Your family totally accepts them and they become your kids in everyone's eyes for an amazing 6 years No judge will give you any form of custody. So now you're not only left with an aching void in your life that these kids left, but you feel like the last 6 years of your life were a total waste.

They're your stepkids but they're not yours, and you're not their father. You have no rights to them at all, not even to visit. The flip side of this is also true.

Divorced dads seldom have much discretionary money as so much of their income goes to child support. They have their kids every other weekend, and have to shuttle them back and forth which can take hours depending on how far away the other parent lives. The baby mama may stir up drama. It's just a bad deal all the way around.

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I've been a stepmother twice What's more, divorced dads many times have to claw their way out of severe depression. His ex wife already moved on long before the divorce was even filed. He's just getting started on that. Men take divorce a lot harder than women do. And it's harder for men to get help for their problems.

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  5. They have to continue working because if they don't they'll get behind on child support and possibly get thrown in jail for nonpayment. But they can't work because they're so depressed and despondent. Or their work suffers mightily. So yeah a lot of divorced dads aren't much good for dating. They also fear for their children. Because they see their kids once every other weekend, their relationships with their kids suffer mightily too.

    The kids resent their fathers too, in large part because they just end up no longer knowing their fathers. Two of my ex-husbands started dating immediately after the break-up, before the papers were even filed. One came home from work in a lather, declaring I had to Get Out Now I was waiting to close on my new house because he'd found a girl he was interested in, but she wouldn't date him as long as his STBX was still living under the same roof.

    My next husband only took about 2 weeks to line up a new partner, and moved right out of my house into hers. I've never seen a divorced dad take much interest in his kids, either. The good ones at least pay child support. If a man can stand it, he starts "dating" i. The way you get over a girl is that you put another one under you.

    So that might explain what you were seeing.

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    I bet they weren't "dates". I bet they were sex partners or FWBs or fuckbuddies. Actually both the ex-husbands in question went on to marry the women in question. I don't fault them for their behavior -- I also started dating before the divorces were final; I don't claim to be an angel, either. But let's dispel this notion that all men are heartbroken longsuffering victims of female hypergamy, eh? I'm sure any woman who has tried online dating, and has drilled down on just how long prospective partners have been "separated," have found a few cases in which the wife hasn't actually been informed of the separation yet.

    But let's dispel this notion that all men are heartbroken longsuffering victims of female hypergamy. But that's not what I argued. I argued that men who get divorced take a long time to get past it and get over the pain. Most men don't have options, especially men who have been out of circulation for a long time.

    We're not talking about all men, or even that men are victims of female hypergamy many men are, but that's a conversation for another day. I'll acknowledge that some men may fall into this category, but I think most are just as eager as their STBXs to see what's out there. The reverse is also true -- some women are devastated by divorce; my boyfriend's mom never even dated another man after her husband left her 35 years ago. But I think people of either gender like this are the exception, not the rule. I do too - but it's much easier for a woman to get a man than the reverse.

    Most men don't have the options women do. It also depends on their ages. More and more men do better with dating into their 40s than women do, or so it would seem. I'll have to tell my ex's that they apparently are Ghods Among Men. Fine but then men shouldn't complain that they are involuntarily celibates. They are voluntarily celibates because they have all these conditions.

    I'm saying it's fine to refuse the risks, but don't call yourself an incel not you specifically. It's a sweet sentiment but I'm afraid this is not what men want at all. That being said, I had a great step dad and step mom and I respect them both tremendously.

    They were the ones responsible for showing me what a good marriage looks like. Men don't want to step in and be the hero for someone else's kids. For the few men to whom this does appeal, it's a sweet deal for all involved parties, though! Supply tech I sailed with did this. The guys told me he used to write suicide notes on the empty boxes. Also, don't forget that if they break up, he loses the kid too.

    Or if she is a shit person, but the guy stays around because he pair bonds with the kid. Well, that guy's obviously not deriving the sort of personal satisfaction from "rescuing" kids as I'd envisioned above. Sounds like he didn't have other options and this seemed the least-worst one. It kinda breaks my heart when I hear about those cases, too, where the man and the kid have forged a genuine bond and then the relationship explodes for whatever reason and he has no legal recourse to stay in that kid's life.

    Shit is messed up.